What's New
Movie Massacre
04/18/07
As some of you may already know, one of our affiliates, the Foot Clan, procured a movie deal. Releasing in Theaters March 23rd, this CGI animated film was a great disappointment.
The feature centered around the freakish and insignificant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who have been but thorns to our great New York City. This movie was but a reel of lies, deceit, and misdirection. As Purple Dragons, we were naturally offered a generous sign-on deal; however, we declined. After looking over the proposed script, the honoured Dragons would have no part in this dastardly seed of misconception planted into the minds of so many innocent children.
For those of you have been spared the torture of viewing this cinematic ineptitude, we will provide but examples of the horror. Also known as spoilers.
The Turtle Leader took a leave of absence, and was gone much longer than his leave of absence was assigned. He deserted his clan, his family, his leadership, and his responsibilities. Yet he returned with a mere apology, and was accepted without consequence.
The message to the no doubt youthful viewing audience: It's okay to run away. It's acceptable to be a coward and to not only neglect your responsibilities, but to abandon your family as well.
In another scene, one of the freaks is a tech support specialist. He makes a comment that he is not playing hard to get, and that it wasn't that kind of hotline.
Sexual innuendo. This film was directed at children, yet there is explicit sexual suggestion. Not only that, but to even hint at sex involving a turtle would be bestiality as well! How this flew under the censors, we'll never know.
Yet another of those creatures had procured a job as a children's entertainer, wearing nothing but a headpiece. This turtle had small, impressionable children climbing all over his otherwise nude body. On top of that perverse fact, he was not properly licensed as a child entertainer. Surely he took no classes or tests to acquire the license when you recall the fact that he is not even a legal citizen.
Can anyone say 'Neverland Ranch?'
Then there was a scene where the two supposed turtle brothers fought. Not the sibling rivalry that is normal among people, but rather, a savagely uncensored battle involving blades and other deadly weapons.
We cannot expect our impressionable youth to be able to tell the difference between humanity and these beastly savages portrayed on their beloved bigscreen. Children all over the world may now have the misconception that sibling rivalry may be settled with swords and sais.
There are far too many subtle and not-so-subtle messages of negativity shrouded in this masquerade of action and forced humor to recount each one.
Loyal Dragons and Dragon fans- there is a reason we had no part in this movie. We can only hope that we have enlightened you to the atrocity of this film before you viewed it unprepared.
bravenet.com